Season Four: Second Wind

Show quality dipped slightly at the end of Season Three, but Season Four increased steadily as the season progressed and made all of that up and then some. The end of Season Four is really what most people remember because there started an amazing run of memorable episodes that continued well into Season Five. This season was also rich in shorts as almost half the shows featured them. Season Four is the start of what most consider the "guts" of MST3K. Chances are, most of your favorite episodes are from Seasons Four, Five, or Six.


Season Rank and Reflections

Andrew's Rank:

# 2

Mstie Rank:

# 7
While Season Five is my favorite, Season Four actually has the greatest number of enshrined shows and is a worthy second place. With 424: Manos: Hands of Fate and 422: Day the Earth Froze in this season, I doubt it will ever go lower. While Season Three had some classic shows, Season Four absolutely clobbered us with them. This was the beginning of the "well oiled machine" days of MST3K and, as it turns out, those days would last for awhile.


RPMs (Riffs Per Minute)

This was a bit of a roller coaster season. The RPMs started out low, around 8.8, then climbed steadily, peaking with show 410: Hercules vs the Moon Men. They dropped back to 8.5, but over the rest of the season, they climbed and didn't stop. By the end of Season Four, the RPM average was almost the highest it would ever be in the show's history, thanks in large part to the chart-topping RPM of 11.6 for show 422: Day the Earth Froze.



5.389 11.563 401 402 403 404 405 406 407 408 409 410 411 412 413 414 415 416 417 418 419 420 421 422 423 424


Andrew's Enshrined & Choice Eps

Mstie Enshrined & Choice Eps

# 1 - 422: Day the Earth Froze
# 5 - 424: Manos: Hands of Fate
# 12 - 407: Killer Shrews
# 24 - 406: Atk. o/t Giant Leeches
# 25 - 410: Hercules vs the Moon Men
# 32 - 405: Being from Another Planet
# 38 - 416: Fire Maidens from Outer Space
# 39 - 408: Hercules Unchained

# 3 - 424: Manos: Hands of Fate
# 22 - 422: Day the Earth Froze
# 24 - 404: Teenagers from Outer Space
# 28 - 421: Monster A Go-Go


RPM Top 44

Mstie Bottom 44

# 1 - 11.563 - 422: Day the Earth Froze
# 5 - 10.762 - 410: Hercules vs the Moon Men
# 14 - 10.530 - 403: City Limits
# 18 - 10.406 - 416: Fire Maidens from Outer Space
# 23 - 10.315 - 421: Monster A Go-Go
# 24 - 10.293 - 405: Being from Another Planet
# 26 - 10.264 - 408: Hercules Unchained
# 28 - 10.176 - 406: Atk. o/t Giant Leeches
# 35 - 10.047 - 424: Manos: Hands of Fate
# 40 - 10.005 - 423: Bride o/t Monster
# 44 - 9.930 - 419: Rebel Set

# 168 - 412: Hercules and the Captive Women
# 166 - 409: Indestructible Man
# 162 - 413: Manhunt in Space
# 161 - 401: Space Travelers
# 155 - 403: City Limits
# 154 - 411: Magic Sword
# 145 - 406: Atk. o/t Giant Leeches
# 133 - 405: Being from Another Planet



Excellence Explained - Why the Good is Good

422: Day the Earth Froze - -

Andrew's Rank: #1

-

Mstie Rank: #22


There are movie genres (drama, sci-fi, horror), however, certain films defy categorization and demand a spot all to themselves. This is one of those films, and the first of what would become a beloved Mstie movie type; the Russo-Finish film. Beautifully colorful and deliciously cheesy, this movie was inundated with countless riffs and memorable host segments. Also, the most memorable character wasn't a character at all, but a Holy Grail-ish prize known cryptically as the "Sampo!"

424: Manos: Hands of Fate - -

Andrew's Rank: #5

-

Mstie Rank: #3


If you need justification for this show's excellence, you shouldn't even be here. In fact, I don't even need say anything, but to simply allot you a few moments to reflect personally on the disastrous, magical lore of "Manos". I will say that the only better way BBI could've ensured that we tuned in for Season 5 was to glue our faces to the TV.


Defending My Classics

407: Killer Shrews -

Andrew's Rank: #12

-

Mstie Rank: #112


James Best is awesome. Put him in a black and white 50's B-movie starring dogs with rugs attached and you've got grade-A cheese. Joel and the bots' alcohol riffs are all hilarious and some "killer" host segments make this a favorite.

406: Atk. o/t Giant Leeches -

Andrew's Rank: #24

-

Mstie Rank: #145


Honestly, this one kind of crept into my list of favorites and I didn't even know it. But now that I think about it, it's a classic Roger Corman B-movie with delightfully detestable characters, it has great host segments (the Holoclowns are freaking out!), it takes place around water, and it features the classic song "A Danger to Myself and Others". Awesome!

410: Hercules vs the Moon Men -

Andrew's Rank: #25

-

Mstie Rank: #96


I have a soft spot for Hercules movies. Riding from village to village, seeking adventure, beating up evil guys, and looking awesome enough to walk around half-naked is what every guy dreams of doing. Here, we get all that, not to mention with some extremely plentiful riffing and some outstanding host segments. Sing the praises of pants!

405: Being from Another Planet -

Andrew's Rank: #32

-

Mstie Rank: #133


Some say that the riffing is a tad uninspired, and I agree with that to a point, but what's not to like about a mummy movie, on a college campus, starring Ben Murphy? It's all just so addictive. What really does it for me is the darn near-perfect host segments. There are two that kind of leave me wanting, but the other four are true classics. I've always thought of this as a good Halloween episode with the mummy and haunted house host segment.

408: Hercules Unchained -

Andrew's Rank: #39

-

Mstie Rank: #131


I love all of the Hercules movies, and this one doesn't disappoint. I love the "Waters of Forgetfulness" and the host segment that played off of it. I know not many other of the host segs are worth mentioning, but watching Joel talk about the birds and bees with the bots is hilarious! Oh, and the riffs were pretty prolific too.


Available on - 21 episodes - 88%

401: Space Travelers

Box Set #32

408: Herc Unchained

Box Set #7

415: Beatniks

Box Set #17

402: Giant Gila Monster

Box Set #10

409: Indestructible Man

Box Set #11

417: Crash Moons

Box Set #18

403: City Limits

Box Set #36

410: Herc v Moon Men

Box Set #7

419: Rebel Set

Box Set #12

404: Teens Outer Space

Box Set #6

411: Magic Sword

Box Set #26

421: Monster A Go-Go

Box Set #8

405: Being Another Plnt

Box Set #35

412: Herc & Cptv Wmn

Box Set #29

422: Day Earth Froze

Box Set #28

406: Atk. Giant Leeches

Box Set #6

413: Manhunt in Space

Box Set #14

423: Bride Monster

Box Set #19

407: Killer Shrews

Box Set #7

414: Tormented

Box Set #11

424: Manos: Hands Fate

Essentials





<< >>

401: Space Travelers

RPM

8.288

Slow

D-

Drama : 1969 : Color : - Box Set #32

Andrew's Rank:

154

Mstie Rank:

161

RPM Rank:

128

Pretty good, except for that hilariously cheesy thumbs-up from Gregory. Shouldn't that have two "L's"? It just bugs me.

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

95
-Crowdini fails his daring escape routine.

Great!


-

Invention

: Joel's Dollaroid is cute (with great bot skit), and the Mad's celebrity tissues are okay.

Great!


-A list of all the technology NASA is responsible for.

Okay.


-Crow channels Gregory Peck and lays the NASA logo on pretty thick.

Classic!!


-Joel tries to get the bots to contemplate sacrifice, even though he's the only human.

Okay.


-Joel has a TV star shell game and the Mads are grumpy.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Gene Hackman contemplates cyanide.




<< >>

402: Giant Gila Monster

RPM

8.677

Slow

B

Mutant Beast(s) : 1959 : Black/White : - Box Set #10

Andrew's Rank:

55

Mstie Rank:

91

RPM Rank:

120

Ahhh, we're being attacked by a character from "Where the Wild Things Are"! Hava nagila! Hava nagila! I sing whenever I sing whenever I sing, etc.
Notice the "leg up" position. Kiss her like this!

Characters:

Crow: "Before, she couldn't walk. Now she's hauling furniture!"

Chase Winston

: Aspiring singer and songwriter, mechanic, tow truck driver, man of the house following his father's death, dater of French exchange students, and an all-around nice guy. He's the unofficial right-hand

The Sheriff

: The only peace officer in 10,000 square miles, but he wears his many different law hats well. His toughest customer is...

Judge Wheeler

: He barks down the sheriff's snorkel about everything, but especially about Chase, who happens to be dating his French exchange student. However, his son is missing, so he's just having a bad day.

Harris

: The town drunk who LOVES driving his Model A and thus is the only one to have ever seen the monster. But, being the drunk, no one believes him.

Movie: "(Chase sings 'And the Lord said laugh, children, laugh...')"

Joel: "I wonder if the Lord said it this many times in a row."

Movie:
Your average monster movie with a lizard running around a miniature set and regular people acting scared. This one is about a guy named Chase and his gang of car souper-uppers. Chase is a good guy whose vocal talent has just been discovered by a famous DJ. So life is good! That is until a guy and girl from his circle of friends go missing. The guy's father, Judge Wheeler, demands that the sheriff find his son. Chase and sheriff and friends search for the missing couple and in the meantime, several other people go missing along the same stretch of road. It is theorized that a giant lizard is roaming the woods near the road and killing people. But that doesn't stop the kids from having a party for Chase and his new recording contract. The giant gila attacks and runs off. The sheriff deputizes the judge, who fails to keep order, and he and Chase go after the monster. Chase loads his car up with nitroglycerin and rams it into the monster, destroying the lizard and Chase's car. Wheeler has a change of heart and likes the sheriff the ending is happy. Yay! This really wasn't a bad movie, relatively speaking, but the lizard and its victims were never in the same shot. Fave character: Chase. Nice car, hot girl, and knows how to relax by putting his knee up on anything handy.

Reflections:

Tom: "And for killing that salesman you win this Samsonite luggage!"

I had only seen this episode once or twice before it came out on DVD, but it has become one of my favorite white-noise episodes. I just LOVE this type of movie put through the MST3K wringer!

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

70
-Joel combines the bots, who aren't too pleased.

Okay.


-

Invention

: Joel's "Plot Point Radio" is clever, but the Mads' Ren Fest Punching Bags are hilarious!

Classic!!


-The bots don't play along with Joel's soda shop.

Great!


-The crew discuss funny drunks, and it quickly goes morbid.

Great!


-Tom Servo discusses the "leg up" blocking position, but Crow butts in.

Great!


-The crew is rock band Hee-La, and they read Frank's cute letter.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Town drunk discovers that Coke doesn't taste like alcohol.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Mr. Smith claims, "Seven to a box, no corners, I'm a round house!"




<< >>

403: City Limits

RPM

10.530

Vroom!

B-

Futuristic/Apocalyptic : 1984 : Color : - Box Set #36

Andrew's Rank:

72

Mstie Rank:

155

RPM Rank:

14

Wow! Those warriors are huge! They shouldn't have any trouble with the bad guys. Budget Titles. Providing affordable title cards for 20 years.

Characters:


Movie:
This movie doesn't go to the trouble of showing us that the apocalypse has happened, it merely claims to take place "15 years from now" with everyone dressed like 80's rejects and riding around on motorcycles. This movie is the story of a boy who goes to the city to join a gang and overthrow the tyranny taking place. I don't even know why he does this considering he lives out in the country with a hot girl whom he swims with in their personal water tower. Anyway, he does. What follows is your standard post apocalyptic movie with the outgunned underdogs of a motorcycle gang going up against a German bad guy who is just a henchman of the true mastermind of tyrannical domination and genocidal terror, Robbie Benson, who does NOTHING else in this movie but sit at a desk, look over paperwork, and answer the phone. The good guys take over the evil headquarters and kill Benson by ramming his desk with a motorcycle. Look for James Earl Jones as the hermit with exploding model airplanes. Fave character: Kim Cattrall who is a bad hottie turned good.

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

135
-Joel takes a ping pong ball shower.

Okay.


-

Invention

: Joel has Meat & Potato Head and Dr. F has Morrisey in Tupperwear.

Great!


-Crow honors Kim Cattrall with a song and skit.

Not good.


-The crew create their own super heroes.

Great!


-More super heroes.

Okay.


-City Limits trivia. The Mads chloroform Morrisey.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Screaming blond guy dies.




<< >>

404: Teenagers from Outer Space

RPM

9.064

Steady

D+

Alien Invasion : 1957 : Black/White : - Box Set #6

Andrew's Rank:

126

Mstie Rank:

24

RPM Rank:

94

I'm kind of disappointed they forgot "SEE giant lobsters from hell devour our planet!" That's where they belong.

Characters:


Movie:
This movie is dumb, even for a 50's genre flick about space travel. A spaceship lands on Earth and several guys get out. We assume these are the teenagers but they look a tad older than that. Turns out they are looking for a planet to be grazing lands for their herds of Gargon (giant lobsters). One teen, Derek, suspects there is intelligent life on the planet and refuses to release the Gargons. The superior officer tries to kill him but Derek escapes to a nearby town where he meets a very nice girl who assists him in his attempt to get rid of the landed spaceship. They arrive at the landing site and learn that other ships with more Gargons are on the way so Derek gets on the radio and directs the approaching ships to increase speed, thus crashing into the planet, killing Derek. The girl and her original boyfriend look longingly into the sky as a picture of Derek is superimposed over some clouds. Gag. The coolest thing about this movie is that the space teens have disintegration guns that leave only the bones of their targets. Fave character: The superior space teen for sentencing Derek to TORTURE!

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

96
-Joel deconditions the bots concerning the "NBC Mystery Movie".

Great!


-

Invention

: The crew's scratch and sniff grade card is okay, as is Dr. F's ventriloquist Resusci Anne.

Okay.


-The crew do "Reel to Real". Joel keeps going.

Great!


-Joel jettisons snacks into space as the crew sing a fanfare. The heck?

Great!


-A cool skull ship visits the SOL, but the skeleton pilot collapses.

Okay.


-The crew reveal duct tape fashions. Dr. F is on a Resusci date.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Tortcha!!




<< >>

405: Being from Another Planet

RPM

10.293

Vroom!

A-

Alien Invasion : 1982 : Color : - Box Set #35

Andrew's Rank:

32

Mstie Rank:

133

RPM Rank:

24

They gave away the ending! So we get titles and a tour through the art museum? This hand-painted lamp is titled "By the Fire's Glow."
Please do not reveal the incredible surprise ending!

Characters:

Prof. Doug: "Michael..."

Tom: "Row your boat ashore."

The Mummy

: Actually an alien that's been sleeping for 3000 years but wakes up when his crystals are stolen. He's unearthed by...

Prof. Doug McCadden

: Archeologist who discovers the mummy and opens the sarcophagus in his class. He's not above students earning "extra credit", especially...

Susie

: Teacher's pet. She winds up with one of the mummy's crystals that are stolen by...

Peter

: Frat boy and radiologist. He X-rays the mummy, causing green mold to become a flesh-eating fungus. He also steals the crystals, seriously cheesing off the mummy.

Dr. Rossmore

: Dean of the college. He and Doug don't like each other, especially when they disagree about warning others of the dangerous fungus.

Detective: "No one's that strong."

Crow: "Oh yeah, my dad is."

Movie:
Personally, I like Ben Murphy. But this movie is not good. Ben is an archeologist who discovers a tomb and brings a coffin from it back to his college so he and his college students can crack it open. They do and discover some strange green powder. Oh well. They X-ray the coffin but the machine is set too high. Oh well. One of the students develops the X-rays and notices a hidden compartment containing jewels. He steals the jewels. At a press conference the next day, a student notices the green power is now a green goo and touches it, severely burning his hand. Turns out all the X- raying has caused the green power to grow. Not only that, the mummy is missing. The mummy is really an alien who got up to retrieve his stolen jewels. After sleeping with a student, Ben finds the link between her jewel and the mummy. He tries to get the jewels before the mummy does to keep anyone from getting hurt. He tracks the mummy down just as the final jewel is collected and witnesses the mummy shed his wrappings and become the alien. Ben shakes his hand and they are both whisked away to who-knows-where. Nothing makes any sense. Fave character: Ben Murphy for bagging a student and then leaving the planet before the investigation.

Reflections:

I'm kind of alone in thinking that this belongs on the top of the Mst3k list. But I like Ben Murphy and the riffing is plentiful because there is almost constant action. It's just one I find myself watching a LOT. Enshrinement ease: Took some thought because I didn't know if I just liked the movie or the whole package.

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

18
-Tom and Crow play 20 questions, movie trailer style.

Okay.


-

Invention

: Joel's Jack Palance gasmask was okay, but the Mads' Tragic Moments Figurines is one of my all-time favorites.

Classic!!


-Tom and Crow bash Billy Mumy, much to Joel's chagrin.

Not good.


-Joel visits Tom and Crow's haunted house and eats the brain.

Classic!!


-Joel's holoclowns can't bring the bots out of their funk.

Classic!!


-The crew almost escape the SOL with the "TV's Frank Shopping Network".

Classic!!


-

Stinger

: College henchman pays for his greediness.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Bruce reads a flyer to Dr. Rossmore, "'Where is my Mummy?: A fraternity party Saturday night. Wear costumes.' That's ALL we need!"




<< >>

406: Atk. o/t Giant Leeches

RPM

10.176

Vroom!

A

Mutant Beast(s) : 1959 : Black/White : - Box Set #6

Andrew's Rank:

24

Mstie Rank:

145

RPM Rank:

28

Short:

Undersea Kingdom 1



When they put two leeches together, it kind of looks like the Black Scorpion. It would be hard for leeches to attack at their normal size. Thanks for comforting me with a gun.
We're a danger to ourselves and others! Suckers! Oh, wait. That's me.

Characters:

Steve Benton

: Rugged and unpopular game warden who goes by the book. He's skeptical of the giant leech theory proposed by...

Doc Greyson

: Intelligent but is not above breaking a few eggs to make a leech omelet, which he does, and gets himself arrested much to the chagrin of...

Nan Greyson

: Doc's daughter and Steve's girlfriend. Always quick to provide coffee and provide Steve with advice and sass.

The Locals

: An oily, sweaty, adulterous, law-ignoring, liquored-up group of individuals whom we look upon with simultaneous disgust and understanding.

Movie:
This movie takes place in the far South, but not far enough. A drunk poacher claims to have seen a giant leech. A very large and oily man about to kill his adulterant wife and best friend sees two giant leeches do his dirty work for him. Two other men searching for the dead bodies get up close and personal with the two leeches. Steve, a too handsome game warden just knows something is horribly wrong, but stops short of blowing up the lake to find out what's going on. In fact, he arrests his girlfriend's father when he does blow up the lake, but lets him off with a warning when the killer leeches float to the surface, dead... Or, are they? The beginning of this movie is just wrong what with all the adultery going on between greasy people and a well-meaning fat guy being verbally abused by his wife. Fave character: Nan's father for knowing that a little dynamite can solve anything.

Reflections:

Call me a sucker, no pun intended, but this movie has a lot of very interesting layers to it. It's passion vs. love vs. science vs. leeches vs. townspeople vs. state law vs. local law. Wow! Enshrinement ease: Easy.

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

20
-Joel can't shut off the holoclowns and everyone's yelling.

Classic!!


-

Invention

: The Mads' invention is simply a leech but Joel's Insty Adolescence Kit is a riot!

Classic!!


-How to dress for taking over the world. The Mads look like real snicker doodles.

Great!


-The crew sip coffee and discuss dreams.

Okay.


-The crew are a danger to themselves and others.

Classic!!


-Leech intelligence is pondered and Dr. F left the leech on Frank too long.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Billy flails wildly.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Steve tells the sheriff, "Go soak your fat head!"




<< >>

407: Killer Shrews

RPM

9.669

Speedy

A+

Mutant Beast(s) : 1959 : Black/White : - Box Set #7

Andrew's Rank:

12

Mstie Rank:

112

RPM Rank:

58

Short:

Junior Rodeo Daredevils



I actually really like this poster. Itself, low on cheese. Cool! K, I, double-L, E, R, shrews! Booze is for healing!
Are the dogs and shrews friends? Is that what's going on?

Characters:

Movie: "He must eat his own bodyweight every few hours..."

Tom: "Plus a delicious shake."

Thorne

: Level-headed mariner who stays cool in every situation. Delivers supplies to an island and figures there's more than meets the eye. He takes a liking to...

Anne

: The lone woman on the island. She's not happy in her current relationship with...

Jerry

: Anne's alcoholic fiance. Nonetheless, an intelligent man when it comes to science but makes too many decision based on emotions.

Dr. Marlowe Craigis

: Anne's father and founder of an experiment involving shrews. He chose an isolated island on the RARE chance something goes wrong.

Dr. Radford

: Marlowe's other assistant. Too caught up in his work to care about anything else.

Mario

: He takes care of the house while the doctors work. He speaks broken English and mixes a great Martini.

Griswold

: Thorne's first mate. A nice fellow that joins the shrews for dinner.

Dr. Craigis: "They're not climbers. They're digging animals."

Crow: "Let me drop it down your shirt."

Movie:
The sheriff from 'The Dukes of Hazard' makes a big-screen appearance as Thorne, the captain of a delivery ship who finds that there's more than meets the eye on an island on his route. He gets an invitation from a woman to have dinner with she and her father, a doctor, who has been conducting an experiment with shrews. Something went wrong and a certain batch of genetically engineered shrews grew to many times their normal size. This is especially bad since shrews have quite the ravenous appetite. The inhabitants of the island are systematically killed. Thorne concocts an escape plan, but it's too late as the house is surrounded by killer dogs in masks shrews. The survivors consume much liquor and devise an escape plan which gets them to the beach where they can swim out to Thorne's boat and ride off into the sunset, with the doctor feeling no remorse for the massive loss of life he's directly responsible for as Thorne and the doc's daughter swap saliva. Fave character: Thorne for being the only one who realizes the graveness of the situation.

Reflections:

Jerry: "Imagine an intelligent girl like her going for a common sea tramp like him."

Tom as Mario: "'Imagine' in how much detail, Senor?"

Who doesn't like a movie with the gall to put rugs on dogs and call them shrews? I like James Best in this movie that tries to be SO much more than it can and J&TBs riffs about the constant drinking are a riot! Enshrinement ease: Easy.

Crow: "I put the dog out. Well, I lobbed him over the fence."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

26
-It's Present Time! Tom gets an indoor funny car and Crow gets dress slacks.

Classic!!


-Joel invents Edgar Winter babies and the Mads invent a subterranean missile just to make funny speech.

Great!


-Joel channels Will Rodgers but makes odd comments.

Great!


-The bots create a Killer Shrew board game, but none of the pieces can move, just like the movie.

Great!


-The bots instruct Joel on how to concoct the "Killer Shrew" libation, which causes Frank to dance.

Classic!!


-The bots don shrew attire and attack Joel. Frank's stomach hurts.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Jerry chugs Thorne's drink.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Thorne angrily asks Jerry, "They don't leave much, do they?"




<< >>

408: Hercules Unchained

RPM

10.264

Vroom!

A-

Fantasy : 1958 : Color : - Box Set #7

Andrew's Rank:

39

Mstie Rank:

131

RPM Rank:

26

Spiked walls adorned with images of love-making? Sweet! Isn't that a Righteous Brothers song? I'm beginning to like this place!
I hope this guy's on our side. He seems really fun.

Characters:

Hercules

: The demigod himself. After a full schedule of adventure, he's heading back to his hometown of Thebes. He's joined by his wife...

Iole

: Very beautiful, and is brave and smart to boot. A perfect wife for the Herc. They are joined by...

Ulysses

: Herc's right hand man. He's whisper thin but is an excellent fighter and marksman. He's also very intelligent and gets Herc out of a major jam, saving him from...

Queen Omphale

: Beautiful, but has a collection of once-alive male statues. She's dying to add Hercules to her collection, but her feelings for him get in the way.

Polinices & Eteocles

: The feuding sons of Oedipus. They promised to share the throne their father entrusted to them, but it's not working out too well.

Hercules' friends

: Close relations that help Hercules escape from Omphale and deal with the feuding brothers.

Movie:
This film is a bit hard to follow since the main storyline is interrupted by an hour or so of side plot. We begin with Hercules, Iole, and Ulysses saying goodbye to their good friends and returning to Herc's hometown of Thebes. At one of their stops, Herc learns that one of Oedipus' sons refuses to relinquish the throne to the other son as agreed. This threatens to tear Thebes apart. Herc goes to the ruling son and gets him to agree to the pact. On the way back Herc drinks of the "Waters of Forgetfulness" and forgets who he is. He is captured and Ulysses is mistaken for his deaf and mute servant by Queen Omphale, who has quite a trophy room. Refusing to allow Herc to be the next addition, Ulysses summons his father and friends by carrier pigeon. They arrive and do battle with Omphale's army, barely escaping the island. But they realize that quite a lot of time has passed so they hightail it back to Thebes to find the brothers' armies on the verge of war. The brothers decide to duel and kill each other. The armies don't know what to do, so they attack. Herc dispatches some tigers before battling for Thebes. He wins, and realizes that the gods have placed many obstacles before him. No doubt.

Reflections:

I really like this movie. I thought it was very well cast and despite it's other flaws, it was fairly well-made. J&TB make this my favorite Hercules entry in the MST3K library.

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

108
-The bots are getting washed and waxed.

Great!


-

Invention

: Steve Reeves helps the Mads with Swatch roaches, and the Joel has the Steve-o-Meter.

Okay.


-Joel peels grapes for Crow and Tom.

Not good.


-The crew partake of Water of Forgetfulness, Carrot Shake of Pretentiousness, and Green Bean and French Onion Casserole of Happiness.

Great!


-The bots wonder what Herc and the Queen do when the movie fades out.

Classic!!


-Were Hercules movies just cheap money makers, or is there something deeper?

Okay.


-

Stinger

: The evil Queen lusts after Herc.




<< >>

409: Indestructible Man

RPM

9.455

Speedy

D-

Mutant Human(s) : 1956 : Black/White : - Box Set #11

Andrew's Rank:

150

Mstie Rank:

166

RPM Rank:

69

Short:

Undersea Kingdom 2



Inhuman! Invincible! Intheaters! Arnold?

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

32
-The bots change their voices and mess with Joel.

Great!


-

Invention

: The Mads have a wonderful yet vague invention, and Joel has Cereal Novels.

Classic!!


-The crew present their "Undersea Kingdom" parade.

Classic!!


-What would the bots do if they were indestructible?

Okay.


-Joel does his Lon Chaney eyes, and the bots mess with him.

Great!


-The bots make Joel sign a "No Cop/Donut Joke" contract. Cops cite the Mads for loud music.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Icky indestructible man exits manhole.




<< >>

410: Hercules vs the Moon Men

RPM

10.762

Vroom!

A

Fantasy : 1964 : Color : - Box Set #7

Andrew's Rank:

25

Mstie Rank:

96

RPM Rank:

5

Insert Powerman 5000 song here. What does Herc have against the Moon Men? Beefy bots!
She's all gassed up, sir. I vacuumed the inside, too. Looks like I arrived just in time! Bronzer!

Characters:

Hercules

: He's helping out the people of Samar because of his father's friendship with...

Claudis

: The old and wise advisor to the queen. He senses something is horribly wrong in the kingdom and secretly leads a rebellion against...

Queen Sumara

: Beautiful, clever, and evil. She desires only power and makes a deal with...

The Moon Men

: Alien beings that Samar must offer sacrifices to. They will grant Sumara endless power in return for her getting rid of Hercules and for sacrificing her step-sister...

Billis

: Hot, blond, and, unfortunately, a spittin' image of the Moon Men's queen. She is part of the rebellion along with her fiance...

Prince Derax

: Brave and good with a sword, although he has barely enough meat on his bones to lift one.

Agar

: Daughter of Claudis and love interest of the Herc.

Movie:
The second installment of the Herc features a new beefy actor playing our beloved demigod battling the Moon Men, even though they were created in a mountain, hmmmmm. After constant sacrifices to the Mountain of Death (you got change for an 8-year-old?) and the queen's refusal to do anything about it, the people of the kingdom of Samar decide something is fishy. They decide to have Herc come over and see what he can do. But evil queen Sumara is plotting with the Moon Men to become the new forever-young ruler of Earth after the invaders' takeover is complete so she kidnaps Prince Derix, Sumara's cousin, and his bride, Sumara's step-sister (weird family), and tries to kill Herc. Chaos ensues as Herc runs to and fro cleaning up the queen's mess, finally going 1-on-7 with the dreaded Moon Men, trashing the place, and getting a hot girl, Agar, out of the whole deal. Fave character: Agar. Cute and intelligent.

Reflections:

Not too many Msties put this at the top of their list, but there is a lot of action resulting in a ton of riff material and low-budget movies about Hercules are awesome! Enshrinement ease: Took some thought because the riffing is plentiful, but perhaps a bit uninspired.

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

27
-The bots run away from home, but return minutes later.

Classic!!


-

Invention

: Joel invents Freak Out and the Mads unveil Deep Hurting.

Great!


-The crew perform a major stage illusion, all for a sight gag.

Great!


-Joel beefs the bots up, but Tom can't pick a good tough name.

Great!


-The crew sings the praises of pants.

Classic!!


-Why wasn't Steve Reeves in this movie? Why didn't Deep Hurting work?

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Gentle yet fatal spike trap.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: A deadly spike inches closer to Herc's torso, and gently rubs off some bronzer.




<< >>

411: Magic Sword

RPM

9.447

Steady

D+

Fantasy : 1962 : Color : - Box Set #26

Andrew's Rank:

125

Mstie Rank:

154

RPM Rank:

71

Yay, He-man! Oh, wait. It's just Magic Sword. The magic sword costs twice as much but still does the same thing as a regular sword.

Characters:


Movie:
Bert I. Gordon directs this star-studded yet surreal movie starring Basil Rathbone as evil warlock Lodac, Estelle Winwood as his arch-rival Sybil, and Gary Lockwood as her adopted son George. The movie feels forced and cookie- cutter, but that's B.I.G.! Anyway, George is in love with the princess Helene, who is kidnapped by Lodac. The king's best knight, Sir Branton, will go save her and the king promises her hand in marriage to Branton. But George also wants to save the princess and is given a magic sword, magic horse, and seven knights by Sybil to help him. George, Branton (who hate each other), and the knights must face "The Seven Curses" and are picked off one by one. Until George learns that the kidnapping was staged by Lodac and Branton from which Lodac gets a magic ring from Branton and Branton gets the girl. Surprise, Lodac gets the ring, kills Branton, imprisons George, and feeds Helene to his dragon. George escapes, saves Helene, kills the dragon, and Sybil shows up to kill Lodac, take the ring for herself and resurrect the dead knights, except for Branton. This is a weird movie which feels more like a video game, although some of the curses are pretty cool. Fave character: Lady in distress, Helene.

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

23
-Joel is a caricature artist, excelling in small talk.

Classic!!


-

Invention

: Joel's Big Gulp Berets are okay, but Frank's skit about the Biohazard Throw Pillows is a riot!

Classic!!


-The crew present a Basil Rathbones dog treat commercial.

Classic!!


-The crew dress up as medieval royalty, but Tom is happy being a serf.

Great!


-Crow's ode to Estelle Winwood.

Okay.


-The crew discuss words you can't say on TV. The biohazard pillows didn't work for Frank.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Two brains still get confused.




<< >>

412: Hercules and the Captive Women

RPM

9.422

Steady

C

Fantasy : 1963 : Color : - Box Set #29

Andrew's Rank:

103

Mstie Rank:

168

RPM Rank:

74

I think the Abe Lincoln Army would've been cooler on the poster. The captive men can wait.

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

91
-Gypsy wants to watch the movie really bad. Tom and Crow don't approve.

Okay.


-

Invention

: Frank's Lawn Baby almost hurts baby Melvin, and Joel has Womb-mate Headphones.

Okay.


-Good natured brawling between Joel and the bots.

Classic!!


-Crow reads the (slightly incorrect) history of Hercules.

Great!


-The Hercules action figure sleeps a lot.

Great!


-The crew hold a funeral for Herc and Frank is shredded.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Hercules is beckoned, and can't figure it out.




<< >>

413: Manhunt in Space

RPM

8.875

Steady

C+

Space Travel : 1953 : Black/White : - Box Set #14

Andrew's Rank:

83

Mstie Rank:

162

RPM Rank:

106

Short:

General Hospital 1



Conquer your stomach by jamming your pants up in your armpits. Cooler than a normal manhunt.

Characters:

Rocky Jones

: Space ranger extraordinaire. A perfect balance of brains, brawn, and tolerance as he has to put up with...

Winky

: Self-proclaimed ladies man and toothpicky sidekick of Rocky. He's actually well cut out for the rigors of space, but he has regular delusions of grandeur.

Bobby

: A miniature Rocky in the making. He's only 12, but don't let that fool you. He's as smart as a whip, and hurts just as much.

Vena

: Unadmitted love interest of Rocky. She's pretty much just along for the ride as a perpetual damsel in distress.

Professor Newton

: The brilliant mind of Einstein combined with the ingenuity of Edison wrapped up in a typical old-guy package.

The Pirates

: Evil guys who want to rob and pillage.

Movie:
Several cargo ships have disappeared and it's odd. It's up to Rocky and Winky to find out why. Vena gets trapped on one of these ships and gets Rocky to come save her. She tells Rocky that space pirates are looting and disabling cargo ships and leaving the crews for dead and that the cargo's destination, an outpost called Casa 7, has been taken over by the pirates. Using Professor Newton's discovery of cold light that makes things invisible (uh huh) and with the help of Bobby, Rocky sneaks in under Casa 7's radar and confronts the pirates. Many fights ensue, Rocky and Winky are captured and escape several hundred times, the invisible ship confuses everyone, space vocabulary is flung around like a space rag doll, and Bobby, somehow, becomes more and more annoying. We assume that things end up okay because "The End" flashes on the screen with Rocky and Winky having the upper hand over the pirates. Fave character: Rocky. I'd like to pick Vena, but Rocky shows class putting up with Winky and Bobby.

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

83
-Color movies are better, but Tom is colorblind.

Okay.


-

Invention

: The Mads have bean bag pants and Joel has recycled clothes.

Okay.


-The crew plays soap opera. Everyone can see Crow's butt.

Classic!!


-The movie is full of space lingo!

Okay.


-Winky visits the SOL and he's quite the lady's man.

Classic!!


-Crow's a guitar and Tom's an amp. Joel shreds metal.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Evil guy tosses a chair.




<< >>

414: Tormented

RPM

7.728

Snail

C+

Horror : 1960 : Black/White : - Box Set #11

Andrew's Rank:

90

Mstie Rank:

107

RPM Rank:

148

I'm pretty sure "supernatural passion" is illegal in most states. ...by this movie.

Characters:

Tom Stewart

: A jazz pianist who is trying to get on the straight and narrow with his fiance after he had an affair with...

Vi

: A vocalist who used to perform with and date Tom. She's not about to give him up.

Meg

: Tom's fiance and a very very nice girl. She's putting the finishing touches on the wedding plans with the help of...

Sandy

: Meg's little sister who ends up harboring a very dark secret.

Movie:
A good old-fashioned horror film that actually turns out quite creepy especially at the end. Tom Stewart is a jazz pianist who at one point had a thing for Vi, a vocalist he used to perform with. But now that relationship is over and Tom is ready to marry another nice girl, Meg, much to the disapproval of Vi who comes to the island to break things up. Vi and Tom meet in an old lighthouse to discuss things. Tom wants nothing to do with Vi prompting Vi to threaten to send some fairly recent love letters to Meg. Tom gets mad and can't bring himself to help Vi when she falls through a gap in the railing and hangs on for dear life above the crashing ocean begging for Tom's help. He doesn't. She dies. Tom's life quickly turns to hell as his and Meg's wedding plans are constantly upset by the ghost of Vi. A song she recorded with Tom starts playing on a broken phonograph. Her head appears in pictures of the engaged couple. The wedding ring disappears. It gets really weird when a ferry operator figures things out and blackmails Tom for $5000. Tom kills the ferryman which is witnessed by his cute adolescent sister-in- law-to-be. Tom then tries to kill her by luring her to the top of the lighthouse. But Vi shows up for one last time and scares Tom into falling over the same railing. Tom's body is found on shore next to Vi's. And on her hand? Meg's wedding ring!!! Fave character: Sandy, the sister-in-law. She does a lot of growing up in the span of a week.

Reflections:

Hands down, this is the scariest movie on MST3K. Seriously, as bad as this movie is, it still gives me chills. Joel and the bots soften the blow considerably, but... yikes.

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

73
-Tom and Crow are holed up in the ventilation ducts which Gypsy crashes under her weight.

Okay.


-

Invention

: Joel's Aunt Catherine Wheel is great and Frank's DT's whilst wearing Clay's Drinking Jacket are too!

Classic!!


-Joel is hanging by one arm and the bots refuse to help him.

Okay.


-Which current pop singers would you like to see plummet from a lighthouse?

Great!


-Crow and Tom enjoy being disembodied heads, until Joel takes their bodies and turns the lights out.

Great!


-The crew and Frank think happy thoughts to purge the stink of the movie.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Tom Stewart killed me!




<< >>

415: Beatniks

RPM

8.535

Slow

D

Drama : 1958 : Black/White : - Box Set #17

Andrew's Rank:

140

Mstie Rank:

123

RPM Rank:

121

Short:

General Hospital 2



"Code of Rebellion"? Isn't that an oxymoron? Nice whitewalls.

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

161
-Joel abuses the helpless bots with paper-rock-scissors. Gypsy rescues them.

Okay.


-

Invention

: The Mads are Good Luck Trolls and Joel has Pocket Pool.

Okay.


-Signs that you're not a Beatnik.

Okay.


-The bots have a girls' night sleepover.

Not good.


-The rise and fall of a singing sensation.

Great!


-Crow channels Mooney.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Mooney goes berserk.




<< >>

416: Fire Maidens from Outer Space

RPM

10.406

Vroom!

A-

Space Travel : 1955 : Black/White

Andrew's Rank:

38

Mstie Rank:

87

RPM Rank:

18

HEAR Borodin a WHOLE LOT! Fire Maidens really grip the road. The new 1955 multi-use lever!
Hang on. I want to hear the rest of the Polovtsian Dance.

Characters:

Crow: "Jupiter, America's dairy land."

Luther Blair

: American scientist. He discovers Jupiter's thirteenth moon along with...

Dr. Higgings

: Secretary-eyeing British scientist who also makes the trip to Jupiter's moon.

Capt. Larson

: Voyage leader. He and Blair investigate a building on the moon. They are held semi-captive by...

Prasus

: The lone surviving male of Atlantis. He needs the crew to kill...

The Creature

: A deformed humanoid being that forever threatens Prasus and his daughters.

Hestia

: Prasus' eldest daughter and heir to the Atlantean throne. Her other sisters despise her because the dating pool in Atlantis is rather shallow and the eldest daughter must marry first.

The Crew

: Two other men, and navigator and documenter, who are really just along for the ride.

Movie: "Quickly!"

Tom: "Quickly? In this movie? I don't think so."

Movie:
This film was as racy as you could get in '56, what with the lingering shots of a secretary's legs and MANY lingering shots of scantily clad women dancing to Polovtsian Dance #2. Anyway, the USA and Great Britain have teamed up to discover Jupiter's 13th moon that is surrounded by terrestrial fog, which is why previous scientists didn't see it. A rocket and crew are readied for a three week trip to Jupiter's moon. The trip is made with every phase of the crew's personal lives filmed. The ship is fitted with a multi-use lever whose four settings handle complex tasks like throttling the engine, controlling the emergency gyros, and using emergency power. They land in a field of grass and trees on a wonderful spring day. Their exploration reveals that the lone inhabitants are a group of a dozen sisters and their father who are all survivors of Atlantis. There's also a beast who threatens them constantly so the crew is held pseudo hostage until they kill the beast. The women offer Hestia as a sacrifice, but to no avail. The beast attacks and the crew gas bomb him to death. Hestia is declared Queen of Atlantis, but she leaves for Earth, promising to send back husbands for her sisters. Fave character: Hestia, for getting as far away from her murderous sisters as possible.

Reflections:

Joel: "Please remain seated until the movie grinds to a complete halt."

This was a surprisingly good episode and it gets better with age. I just love the riffing, especially for the first few segments. Crow's friend Timmy is a bit too dark for my liking, but I love the way J&TB dispose of him.

Tom: "(As Hestia) I give not a crap for thee."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

52
-Joel judges the bots' posture, before the satellite is invaded.

Great!


-

Invention

: The Mads have the Big Checkbook and Joel has shoes filled with cheese.

Great!


-Joel describes the double entendre and Crow gets naughty.

Great!


-The SOL has a multi-use lever, just like the ship in the movie. It does EVERYTHING!

Great!


-Timmy tries to kill Tom before Joel ejects him into space.

Classic!!


-The bots freak out about the movie. Timmy bites Frank.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Astronaut throws a cup.




<< >>

417: Crash o/t Moons

RPM

8.912

Steady

C+

Space Travel : 1953 : Black/White : - Box Set #18

Andrew's Rank:

84

Mstie Rank:

118

RPM Rank:

103

Short:

General Hospital 3



Two college fratboys in a butt-on collision.

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

56
-Crow is selling true grit.

Not good.


-

Invention

: The Mads have sugary toothpaste and Joel has the Rock 'n Wreck guitar.

Okay.


-Crow and Tom court Gypsy under the Gyp- Gyp- Gypsy Moons.

Classic!!


-The crew are sending Banner-Grams everywhere.

Okay.


-Crow presents a spec script that's heavy on space lingo.

Classic!!


-John Banner kills with enthusiastic kindness.

Classic!!


-

Stinger

: Poopie!




<< >>

418: Atk. o/t Eye Creatures

RPM

9.071

Steady

C-

Alien Invasion : 1965 : Color

Andrew's Rank:

112

Mstie Rank:

61

RPM Rank:

93

Hmmm! Now THIS looks familiar! Maybe like this? This looks bad bad.

Characters:

Stan Kenyon

: He seems like a good dude, but is disliked by adult-types. His girlfriend is...

Susan

: Large-haired maiden who's not supposed to be out with Stan.

Mike and Carl

: Two drifters who are in town to make a quick buck. Carl finds the spaceship but is killed by aliens. Stan and Susan try to convince Mike of this fact.

The Eye Creatures

: Intelligent aliens who mame humans easily, but aren't so fond of light.

The Military

: Ineffectual voyeurs. That is all.

Movie:
Stan and Susan are out on a date. They head up to Make-out Point but hit something on the way. It's a monster! They go to get help. Meanwhile, Mike and Carl have wandered into town looking to make some quick money and get with some quick women. They fail, so Mike goes home to bed. Carl stays out and discovers an alien spaceship. That would be worth some money! But, on his way back to town, he sees the alien that Stan's car hit. That would also be worth some money! However, the other aliens aren't to happy about this and kill Carl. The police arrive at the scene, find Carl instead of a monster, and arrest Stan and Susan for Carl's murder. Fortunately, Susan's father is a big wheel and can get them out of trouble. Not so much, as he's upset with Susan for being out with Stan. Opportunity presents itself and Stan and Susan run for it. They try to find Mike and convince them that Carl was killed by aliens. Mike believes them when he sees the alien's severed hand crawling around. That would be worth some money! He takes a picture but the hand explodes. Could bright light be the answer? They are attacked by aliens. Stan is only able to fend off a few before the car battery dies and the aliens kidnap Mike. Stan and Susan gather their gang of friends and head for the aliens. They surround them, turn on their headlights, and thwart the invasion. Oh, and the military is here somewhere, but it doesn't really matter. Fave character: Stan. Roughneck? Ummm no.

Reflections:

The movie's own credits title this as "Attack of 'the the' Eye Creatures", but we know what they meant. However, we don't know what they meant by seemingly covering every surface of the movie wiht a thin oily film. I also find it amusing that the costume designers didn't make enough eye creature bodies to go with the heads and the director's answer was just to have some of the creatures walking around with just heads and black body suits. As J&TB say, "They just... didn't... care."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

12
-Tom and Crow are best friends, but they quickly hate each other.

Great!


-

Invention

: The Mad's Router Ouija board is great, but Joel's Funny Gag Fax is okay.

Great!


-Tom really wants to make out with ANYONE and has a TON of questions.

Classic!!


-Celebrating Earl Holliman!

Okay.


-Joel and the Bots are the Rip Taylor Trio.

Classic!!


-The makers of Eye Creatures just... didn't... care.

Classic!!


-

Stinger

: The amazing technicolor pajamas.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: An Eye Creature explodes.




<< >>

419: Rebel Set

RPM

9.930

Speedy

D-

Drama : 1959 : Black/White : - Box Set #12

Andrew's Rank:

153

Mstie Rank:

89

RPM Rank:

44

Short:

Johnny at the Fair



Next, they'll spell it "Beatnix". Rebel, set, match.

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

102
-Joel fills the bots with terror by reading "Life's Little Instruction Book".

Classic!!


-

Invention

: Frank's Quick Primp Kit is cool, and Joel's paint by number modern art is okay.

Okay.


-Crow gets acting lessons on record from Scott Baio.

Not good.


-What to do with four hours in Chicago? Crow has great ideas!

Okay.


-The crew write creative stories about trains.

Okay.


-Tom unravels the Merritt Stone mystery and explodes. Who is Merritt Stone.

Classic!!


-

Stinger

: Weird pirate guy is bugged.




<< >>

420: Human Duplicators

RPM

9.897

Speedy

B-

Alien Invasion : 1964 : Color

Andrew's Rank:

73

Mstie Rank:

71

RPM Rank:

47

We're still working out the kinks. We tried to tell one to "love" but it only showed mild interest. Et numa srotlasittlepud!

Characters:

Kolos

: An alien sent to establish a base on Earth to aid his home planet in Earth's destruction and colonization via an army of androids. He kidnaps...

Prof. Dornheimer

: A scientist who specializes in androids. His niece is...

Lisa

: She's blind but knows the house like the back of her hand. She is intrigued by Kolos but senses something is wrong. She assists...

Agent Glenn Martin

: He's sent to investigate several odd occurrences concerning Dornheimer's colleagues.

Movie:
Richard Kiel actually speaks with his own voice in this movie and thus plays the part of a stiff alien quite well. He is sent by his superiors to establish a base on Earth and create androids who will exterminate mankind. It's all part of the aliens' "galaxy domination program". But when noted scientists start turning up dead and then turning up alive shortly afterwards, the police are curious. Police chief Hugh Beaumont sends detective Glenn to check out professor Dornheimer's estate which happens to be Kiel's home base. Glenn is captured and duplicated and then rescued by Dornheimer's lovely but blind niece Lisa. They destroy the androids together and kick Keil off of the planet, but not before he reveals that he is actually an android himself and that humans are stronger because they have feelings. He cries on Lisa and she is sympathetic that he will be destroyed when he returns home. Not a bad little movie, but the special effects are lame and Glenn is anything but the James Bond type the movie tries to make him out to be. Fave character: Glenn's girlfriend. She's dumb as a blonde, but smart as a detective.

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

28
-The bots suggest modifications. Tom's are rather complex.

Classic!!


-

Invention

: The Mads really like their William Conrad fridge alarm. Joel's Beanie Copter disappoints the bots.

Okay.


-The create make their own spaceships. Joel's is oddly familiar.

Classic!!


-Tom has himself duplicated, but they won't do his bidding.

Great!


-Huge Beaumont visits and he get really agitated.

Great!


-Tom and Crow come out of the closet and admit they're robots.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Clones kill each other.




<< >>

421: Monster A Go-Go

RPM

10.315

Vroom!

C-

Alien Invasion : 1965 : Black/White : - Box Set #8

Andrew's Rank:

111

Mstie Rank:

28

RPM Rank:

23

Short:

Circus on Ice



Making this movie could set our budget back fifty dollars. Probably the largest gap between title promise and movie deliverance.

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

84
-The bots make a big vat of cheese.

Okay.


-

Invention

: The Mads' Johnny Long Torso doll is great as are the Bots' non-violent action figures.

Classic!!


-Gypsy doesn't "get" Crow. He's confused. Gypsy doesn't "get" Tom. He's the wind, baby.

Classic!!


-Joel and Tom play keep-away from Crow.

Okay.


-The "Pina Colada" song is dissected.

Okay.


-Tom is a happy king! Or not. The Mads are free! Or not.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Monster looks around.




<< >>

422: Day the Earth Froze

RPM

11.563

Vroom!

A+

Fantasy : 1959 : Color : - Box Set #28

Andrew's Rank:

1

Mstie Rank:

22

RPM Rank:

1

Short:

Here Comes the Circus



You know it's not a good sign when the narrator gets top billing. But when you figure in the wind chill, it was about a hundred below. You're in the house. Take your bike helmet off.
The magic of Ulysses S. Grant! She's praying to County Road D2. What does she want? I wonder what her Myers-Briggs was like.
Let us be gay for he is a dickweed! Just release the sun and don't screw it up!

Characters:

Movie: "The land they lived in was large and beautiful."

Tom: "As were the women."

Lemminkainen

: Woodsman turned heartthrob turned hero. He battles wizards and trolls and imps to rescue his beloved...

Annikki

: Red hot maiden who is as cold as ice to any suitor. However, she does have a crush on Lemminkainen. She is the sister of...

Ilmarinen

: He goes with Lemminkainen to rescue his sister Annikki. He's an immortal blacksmith who forges the...

Sampo

: A mythical treasure that provides endless wealth and food to the people of Finland. It is stolen by...

Louhi

: An evil witch who is crabby because her sorcerers can't make a Sampo of their own. She kidnaps Annikki and holds her for ransom.

Crow: "You mean the new '92 Sampo with the leather interior?"

Movie:
Here we have a bright and colorful fantasy flick that is apparently based on a Finnish fairy tale in which a young maiden's coming-of-age (bwow chicka bwow bwow!) is the signal for her immortal blacksmith sibling to create the "Sampo!!!!", a wonderful, uhhh, thing, that will provide the land with an infinite supply of gold, flour, and salt. Why it wasn't made until AFTER she was kidnapped by an evil witch who demanded the "Sampo!!!" as a ransom is beyond me. Maybe it was a wedding gift. But her brother and fiance come to her rescue and (destroy?/disable?/ take the distributor cap from?) the "Sampo!!!", prompting the witch to kidnap the sun and cover the land with snow and ice, which in turn prompts the sorely out-gunned Finns to put the evil army to sleep with harps, kill the witch, and release the sun. Whew! As for what happens to the highly anticipated "Sampo!!!", no one quite knows. A side note, this MST3K episode owns the greatest riff-to-minute ratio of the entire series. Fave character: That sweet Swedish maiden!

Reflections:

Joel: "She's praying to County Road D2. What does she want?"

This is the first MST3K episode I ever loved. Not the first one I saw, but there is something magical about this episode. I love this genre of movie and there is something artistic about the poor film quality and the colors. The host segments are a blast, including the immortal "Gypsy Rose Me". Enshrinement ease: No-brainer. In fact, this episode is the reason I created enshrinement.

Joel: "Kids come running for the great taste of Sampo!"

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

14
-The crew takes a family portrait.

Great!


-

Invention

: Joel's Snacktion is clever and the Mads' Unhappy Meals are great!

Great!


-Joel makes notes while Tom and Crow create a very dark circus act.

Classic!!


-The many things a Sampo might be.

Great!


-Gypsy Rose Me!

Classic!!


-Tom, Crow, and Frank are wind bags. Dr. F cuts Frank loose.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Two evil trolls contemplate their future.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Ilmarinen announces "If he needs a horse, I will build him a horse."




<< >>

423: Bride o/t Monster

RPM

10.005

Speedy

C

Mutant Human(s) : 1955 : Black/White : - Box Set #19

Andrew's Rank:

102

Mstie Rank:

67

RPM Rank:

40

Short:

Hired 1



That is one ticked-off octopus. What woman DOESN'T think that?

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

90
-Joel and Nurse Tom watch Crow's dreams, until they involve Tom.

Classic!!


-

Invention

: Dr. F's Tough Love Seat is morbidly funny and Joel has Microwave Faith Popcorn.

Great!


-The crew present a musical about Hired!.

Great!


-Evil seafood.

Not good.


-What if there were no advertising.

Okay.


-Cambot reedits the film's ending. Joel and bots play Bela.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Bela doesn't like being shot at.




<< >>

424: Manos: Hands of Fate

RPM

10.047

Speedy

A+

Horror : 1966 : Color : - Essentials

Andrew's Rank:

5

Mstie Rank:

3

RPM Rank:

35

Short:

Hired 2



A kid's admission was $0.35? Who would take their kid to see "women defaced with a burning hand"?! Manos. The hands of fate? Yes. Obligatory Torgo photo.
It's a Frank Frazetta of Frank Zappa. She wants a Torgo with a slow hand. Let's break into small groups to discuss how to kill Torgo.

Characters:

Movie: "Debbie, don't ever run away from us."

Tom: "And don't consort with the devil."

Mike, Margaret, & Debbie

: Husband, wife, and daughter that just want to go on vacation at "Valley Lodge" but take a wrong turn somewhere and end up at the house of...

The Master

: Cult leader and underling of "Manos." He has several wives and is sick and tired of his house being turned into a bed and breakfast by...

Torgo

: Servant to the master. He is really a Satyr and speaks in choppy sentences. He just wants to be loved, but upon letting travelers into the house he is killed by...

The Master's Wives

: Six ladies who yell at each other and firmly disagree on the laws of Manos.

Joel: "Every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photograph."

Movie:
Mike and family are heading out to a nice weekend getaway at "Valley Lodge" when Mike loses his way. Driving around all night won't do, so he seeks boarding at the cozy country cottage of a man named "Torgo" who initially informs the family that the Master won't approve of them staying there. Mike won't take "no" (or "get the Hell out!") for an answer and he soon finds himself in the outskirts of Hell complete with unholy altars adorning the rooms, wife-fondling henchmen, and satanic women who seem to be really good at killing people and wrestling in the dirt. Mike and fam attempt to escape, but it proves too late as the Master awakens, sics his Doberman on the family pet, and assimilates the family into serving "Manos". Margaret and Debbie become wives of the Master (ick) and Mike is a fitting replacement for Torgo, whom the Master's wives massaged to death. Fave character: Torgo. Any other Mstie would agree. No questions asked.

Reflections:

Crow: "Great hotel! Really convenient to the mouth of Hell."

What can I possibly say about Manos that hasn't already been said? This one gets better with age. This was not one of my favorites until I watched it a few times. This movie is legendary in the annals of MST3K but also in the annals of movie history what with the conditions under which it was made and the legacy it left in its wake. Many people will claim it's so, but my personal jury is still out on whether or not this is truly the worst MST3K movie. Personally, I think the premise of this movie is rather cool. It's not just good beats evil, but good vs evil with a nice twist. I said the premise was good, not the movie. The director seems to think that we're idiots, lingering on a painting of the Master and later switching back and forth between the painting and the actual Master so that we understand that the guy in the painting is the same guy we see. The rooms in the house are not scary and rely on scant decor to ineffectively set the mood. Group that with many moments of inaction, long gazes, missed dialog cues left unedited, pans of fields, bad acting, and general ignorance of thematic value and you have a movie that is silly, long, and boring. Enshrinement ease: No-brainer, and it was probably the quickest episode to do so from the time I saw it for the first time to the time I decided it was classic.

Joel: "'Manos' was filmed on location in a vacant lot."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

25
-The bots worship the ground Joel walks on, who has second thoughts about fitting them with such protocol modules.

Great!


-

Invention

: Joel's Cartooner is just okay, but the Mads' chocolate bunny guillotine is awesome!

Great!


-Northern accents abound as the crew drives through the credits, only to be pulled over. Frank apologizes for the movie.

Classic!!


-Attributes that cause one to be a monster are discussed.

Okay.


-Joel and Crow role play as the Master and his hell hound but Tom isn't buying it, despite Joel's impressive language. Dr. F apologizes for the movie.

Classic!!


-Tom and Crow don satanic wife apparel and wrestle while Gypsy sings the soundtrack. Torgo delivers a pizza to the Mads, and it's still warm.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Make-out girl raises eyebrow at police.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Torgo taps Mike on the shoulder, who unconvincingly flinches.